The Gastronomic Empire

September 03, 2017

Everyone blames the British for colonizing the world and creating hierarchies, slaves, war, and chaos. But I don't blame the British. I blame nature. Nature did not give the British Isles anything tasty to eat. Lacking any desirable spices, they roamed the world hoping to take their fish and chips to the next level. Sadly, after importing every damn thing in the world, they got fat and didn't have the energy to colonize any longer. Furthermore, no one wanted to import their "cuisine". Eventually, Indians and Bengalis came in mass numbers, quelling the fears of a tasteless, customer service-less kingdom.

The United States, however, picking up the lessons from their colonial ancestors, decided they would import people, rather than spices. This was a epic strategic success, as a majority of neo-colonized people would rather open up shop in New York than ship their stuff from Kerala. This held true for Hispanics, Italians, Chinese, Jews, Japs, Viets, Pinoys and others. I would also include the Irish but their food history is more depressing than the British. Several decades later, America became a superpower, having shops from every ethnicity around the globe, while concurrently popularizing their own bland food - meatloaf, hotdogs, green beans almondine, et al.

This is why, gastronomically, America > Britain.
This is why, gastronomically, the rest of the world actually conquered America and Britain, not the other way around.

The Gastronomic Empire