December 27, 2019



I knew it was coming

Creeping  slowly like a reluctant  tide

My last moment

Yet as I sit on the  edge of my bed

My legs gently swaying  carelessly , feeling  the cold iron of the hard bed now and then

I wonder

What the end would have been

Had the past or indeed I been different.

Not that I am afraid  of the eventuality nor I am sad

Probably a  little  repentant.

And I have plenty reasons to be

As I sit  alone , all  these are coming  flashing back.

I have hurt people, many people

And you

I know I did that knowingly

That was the pride and a show of power

I realise the hurt I caused.

What a fool I had been

I remember the day I first saw you

A lump of happiness

Throwing  your arms and legs in protest of existence

You cried ,we all smiled.

And when I held you in my arm, I felt something  which I never felt before

Warmth, love  unconditional  and happiness

I remember.

And then I betrayed you

I took away your happiness for my pride.

All quiet now in the cell

Even the prison guards are not talking

As  I start towards the destiny, my only thought is of you and God

A plea, an impossible  silent  cry for forgiveness.

Then I felt the earth split below me

I descended for a while like a moth to a flame


As I swayed like a twig in a gentle breeze with a little twitch of protest

I saw you again


I saw the world in your eyes

Full of love

A little doubt permeated me

Against all hopes I dared

Have you forgiven me my child?

And you God?




Abdul Bari